Six Word Saturday Plus

Thanks to Cate at Show my Face for bringing us Six Word Saturday. Go see her and link up. All the cool kids are doing it, shouldn't you?

CAN'T GET OUT OF THE GUTTER

While some people (can anyone say Coffeypot?) might find this a plus in a woman, I find it rather annoying. Seriously, I'm a grown-up, completely over-educated, a lady, and I like to think I have a modicum of class. And yet.

I can't look at clouds without seeing penises everywhere. Seriously. I have to consciously try to find different shapes while cloud gazing. I'll see a great big stiffy in the sky and laugh - of course - at The Big Guy's sense of humor, then remember how grown-up and mature I am and come up with something more sensible. A mushroom cloud? nah. A tree and two boulders? nope. A couple of tea bags at the bottom of the Eiffel Tower? that's just silly.

Does anyone else have this problem? Or should I have saved it for a TMI Thursday??

This photo isn't even the most suggestive. I did most of my cloud gazing today while in the pool with the camera tucked safely away inside. I think the penises just follow me...

As I was reading thru my google reader this afternoon I came across the Blue Zoo and her Monday Minute (brought to us by the Daily Dose of Reality). Having never done a monday minute I had to give it a shot. Plus, it all is for our friend Daffy (I mentioned over the weekend about her losing her sister). If you want to give Daffy some love you can get to her site by clicking on the photo.

1 - Do you *snort*?
I'd love to say no, but I'd be lying. I actually do snort, but only if I'm really laughing hard. I think it may stem from the fact that I'm usually concentrating on not peeing my pants at the time, I can't think about not snorting.

2 - Our friend, has a nickname and it's Daffy.  What's your nickname?
Well believe it or not, Bambi isn't actually my real name. I bet you didn't get that.  So, yes, Bambi is one of my nicknames. It goes back a long time ago from when I was in college and my bff was also named Susan. One of our profs said we needed nicknames so I said I wanted to be Natasha (you have to say it with a russian accent of course). Well the other Susan didn't want to be Boris, so we agreed on Bambi and Thumper. I'd say I still got the better end of the deal, although now in my professional life people tend to think I am a former stripper or something.
Other nicknames I have would be sue, susie, mom, mother, satan's whore, and wifey. I think that about sums it up.

3 - Do you know sign language?
well of course I know the universal signal to go fok yourself, but I actually learned how to say 'penis' in sign language by the master herself - Daffy - at TAR last month.

Here are Travis and I practicing saying penis. Thanks Daffy! I'm sure this will come in very handy at the pharmacy. and thanks to Barb for taking the picture.

4 - What's a sample convo from your hood?
"'scuse me. can I talk to the pharmacist?"
"I'm a pharmacist, can I help you?"
"No, where's the other guy that's usually here? You know, he got dark hair."
"He's off today, can I help you with something?"
"Are you his wife?"
"No, I'm just a pharmacist. I fill in when he's gone"
"Well, he was supposed to leave some vicodin for me. Did he leave it?"
"Ummm. NO. He sure didn't. Why don't you come back tomorrow..."

I could go on but really I think that's the gist of it. Oh, and in case you were wondering, the pharmacists that I fill in for *never* leave vicodin laying around for people... darn it.

5 - Do you sleep with electronic devices - i.e. laptop, Blackberry, iPhone, etc?
I can think of many ways to answer this... however since it's my first Monday Minute I'm gonna keep it all clean and say... YES. Actually I do. My mattress pad is electric and when it's cold and snowy outside I like to turn it on high and get my bed all toasty. Then I turn it down to 4 and settle in for a warm sleep.


Well that's it for Monday Minute. Go see Daffy. Go see Ian at Dose. Go see all the other people I bothered to take the time to link up. I'm going to GO to starbucks. Ciao!

a little bit of everything

first of all, thanks so much to karebear for being a new follower. sorry I can't thank each of you personally, but I do thank you. the name, karebear, took me off guard for a minute and I had to take a closer look because I used to call one of my bff's in high school karebear. I thought maybe it was her. it's not, and that's okay of course, but just for a minute I was elated. well, not true. I'm still elated to have a new follower (it does so so much for my self esteem) but I thought maybe it was her.

anywhoodles... on to the postage. I want to take just a quick minute and mention my bloggy friend Daffy. in case you don't know, daffy lost her sister yesterday. let's just take a moment and send her and her family a cyber hug. {{{HUGS}}}

this post started out (yesterday) as a Happy Hour/ Friday Fragments post (a la mrs 4444s) but since it's now actually saturday I guess I won't link up. if ya snooze ya lose I guess, and I snoozed on this baby. so then I thought I'd do a Six Word Saturday post but this is umm slightly more than six words. You know what? screw it. I have six good words.

THREE BAD DOGS, ONE WET BATHROOM

oh yeah, that's what I'm saying. juneau, jenny, and kodi are all monster dogs today. mr bambi got up early and went golfing, so I decided I'd haul my cookies outta bed and take the little shits dogs out for their walk.  sometimes on saturdays and sundays I don't always get to it early so usually on the weekends they don't get to run amok on the golf course (of course then we usually go across the street to the cemetery so they can run amok thru the headstones). anyhow, since we were early today they got to go on the golf course. on one of the tee boxes 'something' must have smelled good because all 3 little shits dogs decided they needed to roll in it. oh. my. gawd. my sweet little white dogs were brown. and stinky. it was gross. needless to say I was not a happy camper. sound familiar? on monday it was just kodi that decided he needed to get dirty (and then it was mainly just sand) but today it was all three fuckers. so when we got home they all got a bath. and my bathroom got soaked. it still smells like wet dog.

 Juneau

 Jenny

Kodi

Fuckers. all three of them. remind me again why I do this to myself.

za

that 'za' up there is from kodi. he thought he needed to help me type. I thought I'd leave it so you can see how smart he is. or not. he's the dumb one. but at least he wants to be a blogger. you have to appreciate that.

ummm... I thought I had more to say but I guess not. have a great weekend!

monday musings and maybe a little random tuesday too

yeah, it's only monday but I'm feeling a little random. plus I like keely and want to be a part of her randomness. don't you? if you link up then you get to use this little gem too:

okay I don't know how much rain you've been getting but I think we've had something like 102 straight days of rain. well, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but not by much. the problem with so much rain is that the pool fills up. I mean way up. I mean like it's over the skimmer and then it doesn't skim right. which really doesn't matter because it's too cold and shitty rainy to swim anyway. but the issue is that now the pool is all cloudy. and has visitors. uninvited visitors. and they are doin it froggy style. in my pool.

speaking of doin it, did you know that I'm a milf? yep. apparently I am. my 15yo daughter came home from school today and informed me that a couple of her guy friends told her so. here's to you mrs robinson. or maybe stiflers mom.

do you have any idea how long it takes for white fluffy dogs to dry after a bath? let me tell you, it's a long time. today kodi was running around the golf course and, naturally, in and out of the sand traps and got filthy. I should have taken a before picture, but I didn't. I didn't take an after picture either, so it's fine. my point is, I gave him a bath at approximately 8am. it's now 7:30pm and he's still slightly damp. during our afternoon nap (what? I didn't have to work today) he got my shirt damp. 

juneau and jenny were good dogs today so they didn't have to get a bath. I don't think kodi liked the fact that he had to get bath and they didn't. he's a cute little fucker monster dog tho huh?

I'm really looking forward to wednesday cuz mr bambi and I and barb and mr barb are all going to the fox theater and seeing young frankenstein. oh speaking of barb, it's almost her birthday so be sure to go see her soon. jealous? you should be. or maybe not. but I'm still planning on having a good time. and wine.

source

okay well I guess that's about it for me. go see keely. go see barb. just go. no wait. leave me a little something to make my day, then go. 

a little randomness never hurt anyone...

and it's a good thing too because I'm at work so I'm sure the post will be a little disjointed anyway.

speaking of disjointed, have you read Barb's post yet about poor little Chili? Go read... I'll wait...

oh, speaking of waiting, I guess I should tell you that today's post is due in part to the awesome Keeley. Go see her and link up dammit. 

and don't forget to read her too, she's funny as hell.

when you eat a banana in public do you feel a little bit dirty? a little risque? do you bat your eyes at the man walking by and take a big bite and go 'ummmm.... so so good...'?

how come when I go on a diet I end up gaining weight? does that happen to you?

do you play Words with Friends? I know you can play  on the iphone and itouch, not sure where else. you should play with me. just search rxbams. they also have Chess with Friends, but I'm not very good at it so if you want an easy opponent then search for me there too.

do you remember a while back we talked about thoughts that we couldn't get out of our heads? I'd look for the post, but I don't know where it is and honestly, well, I'm just too damn lazy to go hunting for it. the point is tho, that I still have these 2 thoughts that are plaguing me and I can't freaking stand it. one of the thoughts is a mean and nasty one that I don't want to waste any energy on. the other is just annoying because it's 20 years old and won't go away. I was thinking what I'd like to do is be Fat Bastard and tell those thoughts to get outta my head and into my belly then I'd eat them and they won't bother me anymore. what do you think? anyone know how to do that?

okay well I suppose I should go and do some real work while I'm here. hope your tuesday has been full of fun random facts that you want to share.

go see Keeley!

musings on a college graduation

One down, five to go. We just returned from Louisville where daughter #1 graduated from college. During the 4 hour drive there, the 4 hour ceremony, and the 4 hour drive back, I've have plenty of time to ponder life's little mysteries.

A priest, a rabbi, and a democrat walked into a church... literally. The college where we have been sending our paychecks for the last 4 years daughter graduated from is a small Jesuit college in the heart of Louisville. It's a great school and known for it's education and nursing schools, and it was a good fit for #1. However, there wasn't much in the way of diversity, at least not that I could see. Yes, there were minorities of course, but I think 99% were your basic upper-middle class catholic-irish white american teenager. There was a mass before the actual distribution of diplomas, and at the end of the mass there were 3 students that gave talks on their "reflections" of the last 4 years. Those students? You guessed it. A future priest, a future rabbi, and a raging democrat. I say "raging" because she was so naive and full of hope (much like I was at that age until I kept having to give that FICA person a huge chunk of my money, then got even more disillusioned by seeing the abuse the public aid system gets on a daily basis by those it is trying to serve) anyway she was so full of hope that it was almost comical. She was the epitome of what you think of with new graduates out to change the world and make it a better place... and yet we all know what happens. Reality sets in, the true uglies of the world reveal themselves, and soon those naive young graduates are the wizened old fogies that wish they knew what the world had to offer while they were still young enough to go get it.

If you are the president of a college and know that there are families out there in the audience waiting to see their child (or sibling, parent, grandkid etc) walk across the stage, don't be a windbag and drone on and on. Seriously. Did you not see all the people walking around during your talk? IT'S CUZ YOU ARE A PRETENTIOUS BLOWHARD AND NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU TALK ANYMORE. GET ON WITH IT.

Also, if you are an alum of said college and have all sorts of fancy degrees and sure you may have done great things for the embarrassingly low standards of kentucky's education back in the 80s, but if you have nothing to say THEN DON'T AGREE TO BE THE KEYNOTE SPEAKER. YOU ARE MIND-NUMBINGLY YAWN INDUCING.

Okay, that was my rant on the day. The actual diploma distribution was quick and easy. Oh, and the best speaker of the entire day? The future rabbi. I don't remember his name, but he was smart, funny, self-effacing, and a joy to listen to. He should have been keynote. I'm just saying.  

When deciding whether to walk your dogs or pack before your trip you might as well know that neither choice will be the right one. You should  have packed the night before, then you would have had time to remember all the things you forgot. Like

• your Kindle
• your phone charger
• your socks
• your underwear

Yes. Underwear. Although it turned out to be a good thing. I went shopping. I bought more than socks and underwear. Sneaky little devil, aren't I?



       

It was just one night...

but it was a good one. Welcome to the latest edition of Memoir Monday hosted by Travis at I Like to Fish.

Last weekend we had a great time at the very first ever Tornado Ally Round-Up (TAR).

Barb and I could only hang out with them on Friday night, but we had a great time. Well, there was crappy free wine so of course we had fun. When we got to the hotel we couldn't find anyone that looked like they were with TAR, and no one was wearing t-shirts, and we didn't know what anyone looked liked except for Travis, and he had the nerve to not be there yet (thanks a lot). There was one group that had a priest with them, I thought it could be our boys... okay not really but I didn't know! Finally we called Travis and he called Ed and told him to look for 2 naked women with cameras (thank goodness someone gave us some clothes...)
                                              

We finally found Ed and Coffeypot

 Travis, Kid Funk (my new BFF) and Travis' wifey finally decided to make an appearance

 We got our TAR shirts (which actually came in REALLY handy when it was pouring down rain and we didn't have umbrellas). Here is Barb modeling hers...

 Yeah he may look sweet, but he has got a mouth on him! Ha! John I have no idea how your wife puts up with you, but you sure are funny!

 Moseying along to the Hard Rock Cafe before the tornado...

Oh yes, Travis got a bit toasty and was up dancing to YMCA... he'd have made a great member of the Village People

 More dancing with some random chick...

Funky Cold Medina Kid Funk was dancing too... but not making quite as big a spectacle.

Ed lost a bet and had to wear a Duke hat all weekend. Not sure what that was about, but he was a good sport about it.

 Proof that we all got soaked running back to the hotel from the Hard Rock. Everyone needed more beer just to overcome it.

There he is, looking all sweet again...

And finally! Paddling all the way down I-70, here is the one and only Daffy. She's just as funny and gorgeous in real life. Oh, and she taught us how to say PENIS in sign language...

Ahhh, it was a great night, tornadoes and all. Can't wait for Round Two!

For more Memoir Monday go see Travis!